Saturday, 30 June 2012

It's hard to concentrate in a whirlwind

Apologies for the shoe post that ended up on here this week. I've had a super crazy hectic week, with far more alcohol and far less sleep than I'm used to, in all the ensuing confusion I posted here instead of my other blog :/

The fall-out from my rather manic week is that today I'm feeling particularly off-colour and out of sorts.

I know keeping busy is important for me; seeing friends, doing things outside of the house and generally feeling like I have a life are usually pretty good pick-me-ups. The problem is that all my things to do tend to come along, like buses, all together. I can have 3 weeks in a month with nothing to do, then one week where everything happens and I'm left feeling pulled in a dozen directions without the energy to manage everything.

Even as I'm writing this I'm feeling like I shouldn't be complaining. I am glad I have things to do. It's not really the things to do that get me down, this is just my emotional and generally energy drained brain talking. Things were not helped this week by the fact that everything got topped off on Friday by a less than encouraging email from my PhD supervisor that sent me off in a bit of an angry, emotional whirlwind that sapped any of my remaining energy reserves from the week.

Today I am meant to be getting on with things as I would have done if I wasn't so furious and raging about how that awful, inconsiderate, inept man has let me down. It's not exactly full steam ahead yet!

All that being said, I am managing better than I would have done in the same situation a year ago. So that's definitely a positive I need to hold on to. A year ago I would have cried and raged for a whole day (at least) and probably have been incapable of getting out of bed today. Now, I am angry, but I'm taking affirmative action and constantly reminding myself that he is the problem, not me, and I will finish this PhD despite him :)

I had a pretty good appointment with my therapist this week. It's strange, the sessions I go into feeling like I have nothing important worth talking about often end up being the most useful. I think it probably has something to do with having a clear head and being open to making efforts. I hope to start blogging here more regularly (how many times have I said that?) based on what I took away from that session, about recording my positive achievements.

My positive achievement for yesterday: Although I got very angry and upset by my supervisor, I managed to keep myself from descending into a pit of despair and have taken positive steps towards improving the situation and ensuring I can finish my PhD (whether he likes it or not).

How are you all doing? Do you take the time every day or every few days to think about something you have achieved? What have you done this week that has been positive?


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