Thursday, 15 September 2011

Making the effort

I really shouldn't go to therapy when I'm in a hormonal/tired/lonely grumpy. It makes me unreasonable and like I just don't care about getting better.
I think this week I probably seemed like a lazy and ungrateful cow who expects everything to go her way and isn't willing to do anything to help herself.
The issue of making an effort, with my work, with my friends, with myself, is a pretty big one. Sometimes I feel like I already put in so much effort just to get through the days. Sometimes it feels like nothing is worth the effort because it never pays off.
My big issue is friendships. I feel like I put a lot of effort into my friendships, effort that is sometimes not reciprocated. On therapy this evening I guess I realised that maybe I don't put in as much effort as I thought, at least not in a sustained way. My efforts can often be sporadic and my cries for help are sometimes slightly covert. I need to help my friends help me before I judge them so harshly in future.
If I have been a deficient friend, I apologise. I assumed that at 26 years of age I'd know how to generate and maintain relationships, but it turns out I have a lot to learn and improve upon.
Hope this finds you well,