Monday, 27 June 2011

Pieces

I was going to call this post Picking up the Pieces, but have recently come to the realisation that my task goes even further than that, I have to figure out what the pieces of my life are before I can put them back together.
My therapist has suggested I try to break everything down to small, simple and achievable steps, to prevent me becoming overwhelmed by trying to tackle big tasks with long time frames. It makes a lot of sense, and it sounds like it could be helpful, but I don't know what to begin with. I suppose I'm still struggling with the concept a bit, well, I know what it means, but my brain doesn't seem to be very good at processing it. In trying to identify a first step I get too caught up in the number of things I have to do, which ones should go first and what each one leads on to, basically, not managing to break down things at all. What sounded like a very straight-forward task is actually proving to be quite a challenge for me. The only thing I can really think to do is start righting copious lists of things I need to do, both work and personal, and things I want to do, then try to strike some reasonable balance that makes me feel like I actually have a life.
I'm actually in a reasonable frame of mind today. I wouldn't go so far as to say positive, but maybe neutral. This is particularly surprising given that my boyfriend has left this afternoon to spend three months doing volunteer work in Idaho in the US. It was hard to say goodbye, but after just one day I'm still managing to keep myself together (although I did cry quite a lot yesterday). This could be potentially devastating for the process of me sorting myself out, I should certainly be fine for a while, but last time he was away or just a month I starting losing control. I have bad visions of spending the next three months sat at home on my own, which will not do me or my mood any favours. This should just be another reason for identifying and structuring the components of my life, so I can make it through and be a happy(er) girlfriend for him to come home to. We shall see.

I hope you are all well,
Thanks for the support.
Betty
x

2 comments:

  1. I am not a list maker, but at times, especially when feeling overwhelmed, I do make lists. The writing it down helps the thought process I suppose.
    Stay positive about your boyfriend. It is hard, yes.

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  2. I know depression all too well. Thank you for sharing. I fight depression every single day and having it rule my life isn't an option, though it's difficult.

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