Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Message in a Bottle

"I'll send an SOS to the world/ I'll send an SOS to the world/ I hope that someone gets my/ I hope that some one gets my/ Message in a Bottle"
- Message in a Bottle - The Police

I wanted to start by setting out why I have started this blog and what you can expect from me.
I have suffered from depression, to varying degrees, for more than 10 years. During this time I have been lucky enough to have enjoyed significant periods of feeling good, or at least ok, but unfortunately I have also suffered from notable periods of feeling very, very bad indeed. Over recent months, a number of factors have conspired against me and I am currently in the midst of a rather bad depressive episode.
While writing down my feelings and experiences can be helpful, I am, and always have been, rather bad at keeping a diary on a regular basis. I have been blogging about my good times for a while and always found it a nice way to express myself, that I have been better at keeping up with than any diary I have ever attempted. Unfortunatley, as my depression has made a resurgence, mixing posts about my better times along with those from my less happy times has proved problematic. As such, it seemed sensible to start a separate blog to contain my less-happy thoughts and experiences.
In addition to needing to express myself, I also want to encourage greater understanding of what depression is actually like. I often struggle to explain my difficulties face-to-face, and when I am at my worst I generally choose not to see people, so mostly you will only see me on my better days. I feel a need to let people know that sometimes I do spend days in bed crying or rolling on the floor in physical pain as a result of anxiety or fear. I am very bad at actually reaching out when I feel truly terrible, even though what I really need is to feel that people know and care about what I am going through. So I suppose this is an exercise in self explaination, reaching out and trying to help myself.
I feel I should provide a warning at this stage; a lot of what I am likely to write about may make uncomfortable reading. I want to be able to express myself without worrying about softening the edges to make it easier for people to read. If you don't want to hear about these things, then I suggest you avoid this blog at all costs. I also understand that some of what I write may cause concern amongst some of you. I would like to ask one thing from those of you who do choose to read what I have to say; if anything I write concerns you, please get in touch with me, either by leaving a comment or emailing me (betty_leopard@hotmail.co.uk), rather than talking about me in private. Knowing people care often makes a world of difference to anyone with depression, and we often need reminding that people care. Even if you think you have made it clear, depression is awfully good at erasing good memories and positive comments.

This blog is exclusively for my depressed periods. If you ever want to know what I'm like when I'm feeling ok, check out my original blog at http://bettyleopard.blogspot.com/.

Here we go,
Betty
x

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