Sunday, 22 May 2011

Lazy

Today hasn't been a good day.
Today hasn't been a bad day.
Today has been a complete waste of a day.
I haven't achieved anything significant; I did a small amount if washing up that's been sat on the kitchen side for several days, I had a bath and I painted my nails. I didn't do any work and I didn't tidy the flat, the two things I really should have done.
I am disappointed in my self, to the point of being slightly angry. I'm in the sort of mood where I blame myself for my problems. This evening I find myself wondering if I am actually just lazy, yes I do have problems with depression, but is that really the reason why I do so little. I feel lazy today, not in a good, relaxed, lazy Sunday sort of way, in a fat, disgustingm useless sort of way. I end up dwelling on questions about how I expect to survive in the 'real world' or if I'm actually cut out for 'real life'. These lead to downward spirals of negative thoughts about how pointless things are and how much of a mess I've made of my life.
Is depression really an excuse?

I'm sorry about this, I'd like to be inspiring, but I just can't do it all the time. I guess this shows that depression doesn't run a straight course, and that, if you have similar feelings, you're not alone. It's hard to remind myself that I've been in this position before and things do get better, you should always remember that things will get better, eventually.

Betty
x

5 comments:

  1. Yes, depression is a very good excuse. That being said, it probably doesn't feel any better. I find myself often feeling the same, but have no great advice to give. Yes, things do get better and sometimes it is the same day or tomorrow. Hang in there!

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  2. I'll tell you what my husband tells me "You're not lazy, you're depressed" Don't beat yourself up.

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  3. Thanks. It's so easy to get sucked into these negative patterns of thinking, I know it's not productive but it's the nature of the beast!

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  4. Instead of referring to these times as laziness, I refer to them as paralysis! Paralysis from depression! I can't decide what to do next, what to feel next, what to think next. I just feel paralyzed and rotten to the core. It is horrible.

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  5. Paralysis is a good description. Today I am suffering from almost complete paralysis from fear and anger, it is not fun. I'm stuck in a horrible spiral of negativity right now :(

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